Confessions of a former exit-counselor

[The following observations apply mainly to those who have had no family members in the Witnesses and are cold-recruited or (like me) actually sought out a fringe religion to join. Others who have been brought up in the faith may only share a limited comparison.]

Sometime in the early 80s I met Steven Hassan at a cult awareness meeting up in Northern California. Steve is a former high-ranking member of the Moonies (Unification Church) and was actually deprogrammed by his Jewish parents with the aid of a cult deprogrammer.

While being free of the Moonies was positive, the deprogramming experience was not. Steve set out to create a more positive, less damaging approach to helping a loved one out of a cult. You can read much of this on his website. Especially helpful is his FAQ page and his About Steven Hassan page.

Steve had not yet considered Jehovah's Witnesses as a cult, having more frequently worked with other high-control groups such as Scientology, Moonies, Children of God, The Way International, International Churches of Christ, etc. We began to work together on a few cases (mostly Witnesses but some others as well) with very positive results. Steve and his techniques have helped me immeasurably in getting the much bigger picture of how the mind works, and how it allows internal and external deception and obfuscation to aid in the religious conversion process.

Although not a Christian (nor an atheist), Steve respected my Christian faith and we became good friends, traveling infrequently. In some of the stories to come, you will see how his techniques opened up my mind to some very specific truths about humans on a core (primal) level. Rather than being secret techniques or questionable tactics, they are simple observations about humans in general, easily recognized by social workers, employers, social reformers, animal trainers and even mothers and fathers. Those who work with a wide variety of people in intimate settings over a long period of time will have no problem understanding what I am about to say. Experiencing and observing various human reactions are the source of wisdom in these matters.

On the other hand, the isolated soul that lives in a virtual world of his/her own choosing may be shielded from seeing certain behavioral patterns common to the "mundane" things of life. Not understanding the incredible sameness of many supposedly "supernatural" behaviors, they may attribute them to real supernatural causes, either God or the devil, unnecesarily.

The Cultic Lure is Not So Mysterious After All

In March of 1986 I attended the Conference on Deception and Discernment at the First Presbyterian Church in Berkeley, California.  Danny Korem, world-renown magician and also a Christian, was the keynote speaker and discussed as well as demonstrated psychic deception with some very powerful mind tricks.

Danny told the audience in advance that none of the demonstrations of "supernatural activity" would be anything more than clever deception of the mind and the eye. He also said that in spite of his announcing that in advance, there will probably be about 25% in the audience who would still think it was a supernatural trick. Sure enough, he had those who still thought so afterwards to raise their hand... about 25%.  I was floored, yet I understood why. Many people have a strong hunger for the supernatural... a world bigger, brighter and more magical than this old system (excuse the pun).

Another advantage of going to conferences on cults (besides meeting many great people!) is that in all the weird variations of cults, with all their odd beliefs, they all use pretty much the same techniques to "wow" their recruits. After you hear a few hundred testimonies of former members from dozens of groups that have no resemblance outwardly to each other, you can usually predict the outcome of their story.

Deconstructing the Lure

If you learn what needs, feelings and behaviors bedevil a person, and how they interact with other members of their family (with their particular idiosyncrasies) and you understand the various basic personality types at work, you can know why 99% of all this "cult" drama is happening. It is NOT about religion. Religion can be discussed without fights... strong feelings usually cannot. A breakdown in communication, often many years before, has led to involvement with a fringe group that just happens to offer the "right drugs" that the recruitee really, really thinks will rescue them from their miserable state. Some strongly perceived need is being met for once in their life.  It is often more powerful than falling in love for the first time in your life. NO ONE can talk you out of the healing you have just experienced. Woe be unto them if they try!

Jim Jones, founder of The People's Temple in San Francisco, understood the importance of finding those in need and giving them something supernatural to believe in:

Jones had previously witnessed a faith healing service at the Seventh Day Baptist Church, and concluded that such healings could attract people, and generate income, helping accomplish his social goals. Jones and Temple members knowingly faked healings because they found that the increased faith generated financial resources to help the poor and finance the church.These "healings" involved chicken livers and other animal tissue, claimed by Jones (and confederate Temple members) to be cancerous tissues removed from the body.

In 1956, Jones bought his first church building, in a racially mixed Indianapolis neighborhood. He first named this church "Wings of Deliverance", and later that year renamed it the "Peoples Temple Full Gospel Church", the first time he used the phrase "Peoples Temple." Jones' healings and purported clairvoyant revelations attracted spiritualists. from Wikipedia

A cult leader may mean well in the beginning, but soon discovers how to lure people in for his/her own purposes. Jeanne Mills found out the hard way in her haunting classical statement about cult recruiting:

"When you meet the friendliest people you have ever known, who introduce you to the most loving group of people you’ve ever encountered, and you find the leader to be the most inspired, caring, compassionate and understanding person you’ve ever met, and then you learn that the cause of the group is something you never dared hope could be accomplished, and if all of this sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true! Don’t give up your education, your hope and ambitions to follow a rainbow."

Jeanne Mills, former member of the People’s Temple and subsequent victim of assassination a year following the November 18, 1978 Jonestown suicides/murders of 913 adults and children.

Jim Jones attracted people, not due to religious doctrine, but because he gave them "real" demonstrations (much like Danny Korem) of what this church would do for them. He was also quite charismatic and convincing. People really want that. Always look for what the recruitee is getting out of the experience, or what the religion is safeguarding them from in their minds. Sometimes it's protecting them from an abusive husband, or giving them a sense of power for the first time in their lives, or new friends. For others, it is a new hope and a new reason to move ahead positively in life. POWERFUL drugs. How some can assume that dealing with them on the level of doctrine is going to be powerful enough to make them leave those religious drugs behind is often bewildering to me.

The Truly Strong "Drugs" At Work behind the Scenes

People are not so complicated. They have simple needs, certain fears and prejudices, as well as primal issues with others that drive much of their behaviors, yet they are often completely unaware of the bigger dynamic at work. For instance:

"Sam" reasons that he is 39, unemployed, and going nowhere in life. His health is failing, he is divorced and drowns his sorrows in alcohol each night. He has more than once stared down the barrel of a loaded pistol, feeling nothing works for him anymore. His neighbor drops by and asks Sam if he wants to go to a pool party. He doesn't mention it is a Mormon party.

Sam is impressed that  these people can have so much fun in life and not drink or smoke or need to cheat and steal. He is impressed by the way they dress, the smiles, firm handshakes and human feeling and expression these people have. Since so many members seem to be special in the same way, there must be something to it. It really does appear to be supernatural. You sure don't see this anywhere else!

Cults know what to offer, and it's not so otherworldly after all. Since they ultimately are NOT supernatural and CANNOT deliver all of what they are promising, they deliver up the easier primal goodies: the friendship, sense of purpose and a congregation to interact with... and in some cases active forms of welfare and special care. All together, the power of these "religious drugs" are accentuating one another, so that it can reach a crescendo that gives the illusion of pure ecstasy. Group religious experiences are born this way. That "drug" tells you that this, indeed, must be the truth. The emotional power of the experience is SO STRONG that no further cognitive dissonance is allowed, for fear of losing the "high" permanently through apostasy. Case closed. I am in the TRUTH.

In virtually every exit-counseling scenario, a good cold reader can sit down in a family circle and talk for two hours, and can pretty much figure out why the person is in the cult. Cold reading enables you to feel what is going on, so you can come to a diagnosis independent of all the verbal reasons they are giving you. Sometimes you have to ignore the verbal posturing and watch the physical posturing, which doesn't lie.

If I could talk to the family dog, it would probably tell the whole story. Dogs are keen on learning many things about us by watching us. They don't need words.

Cults Regarded as a "Spiritual Issue" Can Be Misleading

It is common among mainstream religious groups to class "cults" as a spiritual issue. While I don't deny the spiritual side of man and its importance, the cult phenomena has much more to do with family or personal issues than God or the devil. Or, perhaps people see that it is a matter of brainwashing or major deception as the big issue. People often tend to blame a cult situation on something "external" as opposed to a problem involving one's family and friends and the communication they share. Yet a cult intervention is pretty much the same as an alcoholic's intervention; a lot of talking out one's problems and emotions with a professional counselor present, and re-bonding with friends and family. It is the start of a program of education and social activities, and developing social skills. Then spiritual direction can be offered if desired by the former member. (That is also the point at which they gain the most interest in the spiritual issues, by the way, not during the intervention, at least in my experience. )

Believing something wrong about an individual, the world, God or the Bible can cause you problems. People talk these things out every day without negative reaction. Yet that is much different than the one who refuses to believe your point, no matter how convincing it is, coupled with clear evidence of how false their ideas are. This indicates a strong personal need to hold onto this belief, no matter what.

So then what you look for is, WHY? What is it keeping them from seeing the obvious? Why can't you just "Get the lies out of their head, and they will return to normal," - as if the actual beliefs of the group are what is holding them captive?

Unfortunately, that is not true. People cannot be held captive by doctrine or beliefs alone, without strong emotional processes running in the background. There has to be a number of reasons they are enjoying flirting with this religion. Some heavy needs are being met... some peace of mind is being attained that they have never experienced before.... some feeling of goodness and magnanimity (feeling great of mind and heart) has enraptured them... or perhaps it's just some really nice friends for the first time in their lives. It may be the lure of a new soul mate.

The group's teaching, or doctrine, has little power other than to corral the group into a programmed unity useful in indoctrinating others.

Focus on the Person Rather Than the Mind

Young movements rarely have much written about their "doctrine." Even the early Christians had little in the way of doctrine until their opponents forced them to develop "apologetics" for the Christian faith, as we see in the early Church Fathers 100 years after the death of Jesus. The "Bible" as Christians know it did not even officially exist until about 400 AD. Yet the movement changed the known world in its first 300 years. Apologetics came later, and only to establish who was orthodox and who wasn't.

Wikipedia says of "apologetics":

Apologetics is the whole of the consensus of the views of those who defend a position in an argument of long standing. The term comes from the Greek word apologia (απολογία), meaning a speaking in defense.

Early Christian writers (c 120-220) who defended their faith against critics and recommended their faith to outsiders were called apologists.


In modern times, apologists refers to authors, writers, editors of scientific logs or academic journals, and leaders known for defending the points in arguments, conflicts or positions that receive great popular scrutinies and/or are minority views.

If one holds to apologetics as the key to unlocking the cult mind, they will have minimal success in decoupling the person with the group. People didn't originally become Christians due to apologetics. They joined for healing, for relief from suffering, from a promise of a better future, for hope in seeing their loved ones again, and for feeling good and not hating their fellow man any more. People became Christians to have friends who think alike and have the same values... and they also become Christians for welfare and food. While often hated and mocked in the first three centuries, and even tortured and killed for their faith, they knew that this was their last chance to be at peace with themselves, even if it cost them their lives. The much greater sense of well-being they experienced was not worth giving up. They had burned their bridges behind them during their initial conversion phase. They sacrificed one thing to get something better. But was that something better really supernatural?  It might greatly improve their lives, but most of those tricks are not magical at all.

Have a personal conversation with an honest, time-worn pastor of any Christian church today, and he can tell you the real reasons why each one in his church became a believer. Most likely, the reason won't be supernatural. Humans must have rewards in order to sacrifice... whether the rewards come now or later. No one will really do something for nothing. In the end, payback is expected.

Don't get me wrong. I see the value of apologetics. I spent six years of my life writing apologetics for the Christian faith, and I still consider them accurate for their intent, and they are still all on my website, unchanged and unedited. My book, Refuting Jehovah's Witnesses is my best collection on that. In the early years after my leaving the Watchtower, I felt it very important to get the important beliefs down, and their historical record. I even recommend the same course to others who are serious in this field.

Yet their importance is overrated. For instance, you can argue the "Trinity" on an abstract level until you're blue in the face, but the written record of secular history plainly shows the early Christians worshipped Christ as God. Christianity cannot actually "work" right without this revelation. Rational or irrational, an apostasy from Judaism or not, this new worship of Christ gave them a sense of POWER. You see it exactly the same in the evangelical churches today.  Converts will die to keep it! That has not changed in 2000 years.

Limitations of "Beliefs"

My experience over the last 37 years of being immersed in doctrine has taught me that beliefs mean almost nothing compared to the core reasons why people do things, the so-called "selfish" reasons.  As a Witness, and Pioneer, then Bethel Elder, Floor Overseer and loyal doorknocker, followed by a few years as a Foursquare Christian pastor, I can tell you the REAL reasons why people are stuck where they are in life. I can't read their minds, only their predicament. Fix the predicament, and their thoughts will begin to change.

The knowledge of WHY people do and believe certain things is not to be found in their beliefs. It is discovered in reviewing their actions, their expressions, their body movements and voice. It is also recognized in their family and personal history. To pay much attention to their "beliefs" was a dead end; I could almost be deaf in the room and come to the same conclusions without hearing a word that was said... just watching interactions between whoever was in the room. Religious language has a way of obfuscating the truth at times, so in the early stages (the first day or so of the intervention) religious words were avoided, and personal bonding and friendship was the goal, along with a steady diet of education from third-party sources not hostile to the religion. I would never start with the Bible, because the Bible is not the problem. More often than not, the family was the problem. Eliminate or defuse the fear, the animosity, the jealousy, the misunderstanding, and the cult was no longer needed anyway.

With just a few professionally guided heart-to-heart talks with the aid of an experienced intervention therapist, combined with the subsequent emotional release of years of anger, resentment, despair and hatred, the cult involvement may lose interest very quickly.

Randy

Where Can I Get Counseling Or Intervention Help For Myself Or Others?

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written by Darrek , August 31, 2009

awesome article, pt 2 should be about practical ways to help people out of a cult!

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written by thilina , August 31, 2009

I feel really sorry about you. Truth is not what you feel. Jehovas witness are not what you saw from your childish eyes. I am a born witness I never feel the way you feel. I love jehovah and i love witness they gave me a meaning to my life. Please come back to truth.

Take care
bye (truth is where love resides)

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written by Footman , September 01, 2009

I think there are some very interesting points, hightlighting human "herd" instincts, but the article fails to recognise that MILLIONS of people are good hearted and genuine. They seek God out of a loving heart, and fight shy of "God Slotting"... feeling that religion "eclipses" their direct relationship with their Creator.

Regrettably JW's are no different from the "herd" in general and sometimes join because of the need "to belong" rather than building an enduring personal relationship with their Creator, which withstands any assault from man made creeds.

Exit couselling is fine if it frees anyone from the fear of man, including destructive doctrine like Hellfire and damnation. Don't eclipse anyone's approach to the Living God... they may wilt and die!

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written by Darrek , September 01, 2009

Thilina:

I left a year ago because I did not agree with some of the things that were in the bible. I was Dfed because I did not change my view point. I of course lost all of my family and all of my friends (including my wife who left me and said she could never love me)just because I see things in a different way. Truth? Love? What a bunch of force fed bull crap. High Control? Blackmail with love? Yes very much so. Oh I can end it all and get back my family if I just lie to their faces and say " I believe whatever the Watchtower tells me to believe" I want to puke every time I here the phrase the "Truth", mainly because really only cults use the phrase "the Truth" to describe their doctrine.

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written by Gina M , September 02, 2009

It's interesting to read this, because I gradually became disillusioned with Witnesses because I saw they had the same issues and problems as anyone when I'd been promised they were something better.
But, when I finally went to a therapist for my depression and anxiety I'd suffered from for years, I saw it was my troubled family dynamic that was the real cause of my problems and that relief from that wasn't supernatural in nature but gained from an application of some perfectly ordinary good old "human wisdom".
My appreciation for spiritual things of all sorts has increased since I left off associating with Witnesses many years ago. Their "spirituality" is so dependent upon legalism and carefully coded behavior I simply could never see any difference between their version and other very strict sects that have high requirements and many rules (such as Orthodox Judaism or Islam or being a Mennonite), so my years of questioning that were always a source of alienation.
I've come to learn that spirituality is innate, human and it really doesn't need these excess trappings and rules...those are for one group of people to control others or for people to identify themselves as "special" (with all that conveys, negative and positive), that's their main purpose.
It always was interesting to me that Jesus and other major religious figures have so few rules, but religions supposedly based on their teachings have so many. It seems to me that it was never the intent of Christ, Buddha, Mohammad or any other religious icon to start any particular "religion", merely to remind people to connect with that part of them that is spiritual.

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written by Fringe Dweller , September 03, 2009

In the years since I've been disfellowshipped I've come to realize many things. One of the most important observations I've made has to do with the promised 'spiritual paradise.'

The colorful pictures in the magazines and publications the Society prints were (and are) very powerful influences. Pictures of perfect health, different races getting along, plentiful food and water, peaceful relations with the animal kingdom. In short... everything people want right now. Peace. Tolerance. Love. Friendship. Family.

Although those pictures point to some future time, the spiritual paradise is something every congregation member is supposed to have access to. In my experience, neither me nor anyone I knew who was a Witness could lay claim to those experiencing those promises. Not the level of peace boasted about in the publications and spoken at the platform.

More often than not, me and my husband would argue all the way home from hall meetings about what we're doing wrong and as a result, not experiencing spiritual paradise.

I highly suspect that a great many of families drive home after meeting and then lie awake at night comparing their own lives to the pictures they see in the publications, the talks they hear on the platform and how the so-and-so family appears to be doing so much better than them. Gee...why doesn't MY life look like that? Boy, I sure wish I had the faith of brother so-and-so. Many times the discussions I had with other struggling members were abruptly cut short due to fear of approaching 'apostate' thinking. (aka: inquisitive, probing and non-society publication related) The rabbit hole goes SO deep, that it not only separates the individual from the rest of 'the world,' it also separates the individual from honest and open relations with their fellow congregation members. After all.. how shameful it would be for the congregations members to see how poorly I'm doing in my faith!

And as I recall, so many circuit and district conventions I've attended feature panel speakers who tell of how they were, in one way or another, at the end of their rope when voila! The witnesses come to their door! (aka...they're vulnerable)Or.. just when the money runs out and they have no food, voila! A witness comes by and brings food. But when things like this happen outside the organization, it's 'coincidence'.

Here's a story: I was on my way to the wal mart to shop for food when I had a powerful overwhelming feeling that the so-and-so family really really needed food. So I spent a little extra money and got them some stuff. Mind you, I was disfellowshipped! I left the food and a note that said, "i had a feeling you needed this. love ______." I saw them at the store some few weeks later and their son hugged me and the mom hugged me (even though they could get in trouble for it because of my status), and they said that they believed that their prayers were answered by my bringing them food. Well hello! I sure do miss that family and they always said hi and spoke to me in the store. This shows me that man made religion has nothing to do with Christ feeding his flock. He doesn't need organized religions to do his work. He's Christ! And his congregation exists 'wherever two or more are gathered in his name'

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written by Footman , September 04, 2009

Thanks for sharing that fringe dweller.. it reminded me of a time when I was street witnessing on the forecourt of the Hamburg Central Station in Germany.

I spoke to an American brother there from California, that had moved to Germany to be near his wife's family.

He had been dismissed unfairly from his job... it took months to fight back and regain his position in the employment market. The family hit hard times.

Despite being a member of a considerably wealthy congregation, they were on their own. Until one day a knock at the door came. As he opened the door a car was pulling away, a box of supplies was left on the doorstep.

It was the christian love of a recently converted, young black unmarried mom who had left this parcel of care.

Many times, I found elitism in the congregations.. no different from the rest of the world. But, please, let's not forget either they we dedicated our life to God and Christ.. not a Printing and Publishing corporation. And that, F.D, is where I think it went sadly wrong for many. (Hence my first post) With very best wishes to all those who, although disenfranchised, are still at one with Our Lord.

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written by Darrek , September 05, 2009

"are still at one with Our Lord"

Sorry they drove all of the god right out of me. If I were to tell you my past experiences you would not believe that god has ever been in my life and that's is because of one simple reason I do not think he even exists and even if he did I would not ever worship him, he can just kill me and stack my body on top off all of the gays and lesbians he has been so exited to murder.

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written by Footman , September 06, 2009

Why shun the Organ Grinder, when it is the monkey that bit you? Look around you, be a honey bee, take the goodness out of life and pass it on. That's the way it was meant to be.

Me? No religion any more, just high on life. Cheer up.

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written by THE WATCHMAN , September 08, 2009

JEHOVAH WITNESSES ARE (AT LEAST 90% OF THEM) VERY HONEST GODFEARING PEOPLE THAT SWIM TO FIND THE STREAM OF EVERLASTING WATERS BUT IF YOU START SWIMMING GOING THE WRONNG WAY IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET THERE

THERE'S MILLIONS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE DOING EXCACTLY THE SAME THING AND EVEN THOUGHT THEY ARE GREAT HONEST GODLOVING PEOPLE TRYING TO FOLLOW IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF CHRIST JW LEADERS SAY THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY, COULD IT BE THAT WE ARE ALSO GUILTY OF DOING THE SAME THINGS TODAY
BROTHER RUSELL SAID IN THE PHOTODRAMA OF CREATION THat" WHEN TEMPTED TO CRITIZIZE OTHER RELIGIONS FOR BUILDING COSTLY HOUSES OF WORSHIP THINK THAT ONE DAY OTHERS MAY DO THE SAME THING WHEN TALKING ABOUT US AND THE GREAT DREADNOUGHTS(EVIL ACTS) THAT WE MAY HAVE DONE!!!!" THINK ABOUT IT!!!!

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