FEAR

In my experience, enemies-turned friends are the best kind. Some momentary yet powerful memetic trick has made them more trusting in you than your other "friendly" neighbors. We call it having a change of heart. But it's actually simpler than that. All it might take is a good deed, and a smile. Making it happen is a combination of thoughtful words, AND, more importantly,  the right posture and body signals.

POSTURE

If you are familiar with how strange dogs interact with each other when they first meet, it is easier to illustrate.

Every dog has it's own personality, but some are mostly outgoing, and others are nervous, fearful, or nasty in temperament (so like people, aren't they?). The friendly dog, especially if smaller or a young puppy, will go out of its way to display the wagging tale, and sometimes even showing its belly as a display of harmlessness. This will disarm most potential displays of hostility. The friendly dog is familiar with the visual clues of impending hostility, such as the straight or lowered unwagging tail, the fixated eyes, a lowered, fixed head and the tense muscles. The tone of the bark gives off many clues as well. Fearful dogs often react by incessant, teeth-bared barking until the other passes. The friendly dog is not threatened, and knows how to avoid trouble. 

Of course, in the end it is up to both dogs to be nice or start a row, so the same dog can be seen to be friendly to one dog and fight the next one. The dog owners, of course, are keen to recognize the body language of all dogs in the immediate area, and will use the restraint of the leash to prevent physical contact when a "flash moment" is imminent.

IN HUMAN TERMS

But humans aren't the same as dogs, you say. Well, dogs may not use words, but the body language cues are very similar. We can learn many lessons from dogs.

Let's apply this simple lesson to this scenario: your daughter just started dating a Jehovah's Witness. Your words are carefully planned and accurate, but because you are angry and upset, it shows by your raised voice, inability to smile, and finger-pointing. The nervousness in your voice is evident, and you cross your arms in a defensive posture. You know you are right, but the fear of your daughter becoming a Jehovah's Witness drives you to attack, even if few words are actually spoken. By your body language you have made it clear to your daughter that this is going to be an ongoing fight to the bitter end. 

Want to take control of the situation? It won't be easy for the novice, but it won't hurt to practice. You will get better at it as you see it is working. Try some tips from an exit-counselor:

• Display a curious yet cautious attitude (Steven Hassan's best approach)
• Speak slower than you normally would, and perhaps in a lower tone (fast, high-note words are a sign of fear and feeling threatened).

Listen to what they have to say without interrupting, but do not let them control the conversation. Make sure you have equal time to ask questions and make a thoughtful point for them to ponder. Challenge them with only one or two questions, and mention that you are willing to respect their decisions, as long as they get their facts straight, and that is why you are asking them to respect YOU by coming back with an answer. If you would like some good questions to ask, print out this article of mine, "Opening the Closed Mind." Use only one or two questions at a time, and ask them if they will get an answer and come back and discuss it.

I have found over the years that most people that feel threatened by a Jehovah's Witness or one studying with them seem to think that the only way to develop confidence in talking to them is to know their doctrinal errors, and to do a crash study on the Bible to show them what is the correct interpretation. This is almost always a disaster for two reasons: (1) it will take you at least a year of intense study to feel confident about discussing the Bible with wisdom, and (2) they already know what you are going to do and are ready to pull their own trump cards. You can't out-argue a Jehovah's Witness who is talking/preaching to others all the time about their exciting, newfound reason for living. Their need to believe is too powerful, and they know all the verbal tricks to stump you and make you even more insecure and angry. Not a few Christians have played this out, and in the end the very fact that the Witnesses seem cool and calm, while the "opposer" is visibly upset and fearful, is by itself sometimes enough to convert the "opposer" to being a "true believer," meaning in this case, a convert to the Watchtower. The confidence and non-threatening demeanor of the Witness was more psychologically powerful than all the correct words used by the Christian. Many debates between a Witness and an educated Christian appear to be "won" by the Witness, because of their body language and cool, comfortable approach. Get the point?

Recommended reading:

Mind Control or Brainwashing?
Eight Marks of a Mind-Control Cult
A Study of the Persuasion Techniques Used by Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Watchtower

Book:  Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves by Steven Hassan

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