#1, The "Cut-to-the-Chase" Version :-

dub: Good morning. It's a beautiful day isn't it?

householder: Yes it is. What do you want?

dub: I'm here to tell you about your future. Would you like to know that future?

householder: I don't know. Maybe.

dub: Very soon, Jehovah God is going to blow your guts all over that wall and smash your baby's skull into a thousand pieces, and after I clean up your mess and the birds are done eating out your eyeballs. I'm going to take over your home and live in it! Your car, too! Do you want to hear how you MIGHT avoid all that?

householder: Get the hell out of here before I do all of that to you!

dub, walking away: Have a nice day. Can't wait to move into your house!

#2, The "I'm In This For Me" Version

dub: Good morning. I'm here here because I will die if I don't tell you something. So can I please tell it to you?

householder: Well, what is it?

dub: God will blow my guts all over the wall and smash my baby's skull into a thousand pieces and birds will eat out our eyeballs if I don't deliver some Good News to you.

householder: What's that good news?

dub: God loves you. BUT: You gotta tell what I just said to everyone you meet so all that won't happen to you, too.

householder: get the hell out of here you freak!

#3, The "Literature Campaign" Version

dub: Good morning. Our religion requires us to buy lots and lots of their literature, and if we don't try to sell it, God will blow our guts all over the wall and smash our baby's skull into a thousand pieces and birds will eat out our eyeballs. So, will you please take some of this literature so that doesn't happen?

householder: That is so sad. So sure. I'll take some. Anything to help you out.

dub: Will you also take extra literature and pass it out to others?

householder: No, I won't do that.

dub: Then God will ALSO blow YOUR guts all over the wall and smash your baby's skull into a thousand pieces and birds will eat out your eyballs, and maybe I'll get to take over your house.

householder: Could you wait just a moment while I get and load my shotgun?

dub: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm not THAT stupid!

#4, The "Your Religion is Wrong" Version

dub: Good morning. Do you believe in the Bible?

householder: why, yes I do!

dub: Are you a Jehovah's Witness?

householder: No.

dub: Then it doesn't matter at all that you believe in the Bible. You are reeking with Demons. God will blow your guts all over the wall and smash your baby's skull into a thousand pieces and birds will eat out your eyballs, and maybe I'll get to take over your house.

householder: Your God is so SICK!

dub: Yeah? You think HE'S SICK? Just wait and see what you'll get if you get involved in OUR religion!

Sigh. Wouldn't it be nice if dubs would just say it like it is?

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written by jesus morales , September 25, 2009

hahahah I love it! I want some more :-) Finnally some laughs in my house

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written by teel , October 03, 2009

Lol #2 sounds so much like the chain mails. And so true, that's in short what JWs tell people.

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written by may loop , October 26, 2009

i guess judy above me will have her guts splattered on the wall and her baby's skull will be smashed in OVER 9000 pieces and her eyeballs will be eaten out by birds! LOL

seriously, she's prolly a dub! haha!

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written by John White , November 01, 2009

Here is something for Judy to consider. I brought magazines to people's home telling them of the horror of child abuse in "other" religions and even the subsequent coverup by the leaders. I was shocked to hear that JW's themselves have had the same problem, with similar coverup by the leaders. www.silentlambs.org

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