 The Local Needs Talk :-
"Good evening, Brothers. As you all know, our regional sales manager will be making his semi-annual visit to us in just a week. We're all worried about that, I know. Word has it that our Headquarters office is downsizing and will probably be outsourcing most, if not all printing and binding operations. Rumor has it they might be sending the work to India and Malaysia. They discussed outsourcing to China, but couldn't talk the Communists into a contract. Besides that, China doesn't recognize our Copyright Laws and Headquarters has spent considerable amounts of money protecting its intellectual property and trademarks.
"Our regional sales manager is going to take a very close look at our books. Donations are way down and income barely covers inventory. We are going to have to dig deep into our pocket books and work much harder to make purchases and sales if we want our local operation to stay open. Recruitment is way down and word has it that Headquarters may shut us down and merge us with another local operation if things don't start changing.
"At last summer's book promotion convention, sales were also way down. We released several new products there, but there was still a huge inventory left when the festival was concluded. We need to cut expenses at those conventions. Remember, only two sheets of toilet paper per bathroom visit. Diarrhea is NO excuse, either! Promptly report violators to their supervisor, please. Please only check into hotels approved by Headquarters. I know they cost more than they should, but Headquarters needs the commission revenue to help stay afloat.
"Only about 25% of our field representatives have met monthly sales quotas since the regional manager's last visit. It is a given that any of those reps who have been promoted to positions of responsibility will be demoted as a result of poor performance. The rest will never see any promotions until their stats improve considerably.
"There will be a special sales training meeting on Wednesday the 24th at 8:00 pm. Our regional sales manager will conduct it. It will be a hands-on training session with topics and tips that include using the alternate choice closing method to avoid ever getting a "no" answer from prospects, how to start closing the prospect from the opening words, using effective trigger words to encourage an emotional sale and many other exciting and helpful methods to move our products and obtain new distributors. I hear we will also get hammered for poor lead follow-up in the field. Leads take time to develop and it is wasteful to lost them.
"Now for some good news! Brother Dipschmuck, please stand up! I want to offer you a hearty congratulation for your excellence in recruiting. Did you all know that Brother Dipschmuck now has 24 people and 8 legs in his downline? Just one more in your downline and you will reach BLUE DIAMOND, Brother! Isn't that GREAT? I wish we could all give you a big hand of applause Brother Dipschmuck, but as you know, Headquarters won't let us do that. The best we can do is to all go out and get drunk at the end of this meeting."
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