Armageddon Okies part VI

by Gary Busselman

 

#36 Letter From Home

Spooks

Dear Randy,

I didn't write last week because we was kinda expecting you to visit as it was Maw's birthday and all and then I remembered that we don't celebrate birthdays anymore and Bubba had to lug all that Elderberry wine back down to the cellar. He took down a case and drank a bottle, took down another case and drank another bottle and after the fifth trip down he just stayed down there. It was the first evening we was all at home fer quite a spell.

We had quite an uproar at the Book Study at brother Newley's trailer last week. This note was pinned on the trailer door when we got there. It was from sister Sandy and she wrote: "My husband and I are under attack by demons." Most of us have had similar things happen. A while back Maw got a dictionary at a rummage sale and when she got it home she just put it on the shelf with the rest of our kingdom books and NWT Bibles with the big print that Aunt Hilda reads when she comes to visit and forgot about it. Six days, six hours, and six minutes later we had a bad leak in the plumbing near the second floor toilet that ruined the plaster in the ceiling and the wall. Later that week we had a floor drain back up in the cellar and an increase in the speed of the drip in the laundry sink faucet.

That was bad enough but the clincher came when she went to iron the clothes last Tuesday and started to pour water into the steam iron. Usually the iron only can hold a cup or so but this time she emptied a whole gallon into it and it still was not making steam so she went to call the Circuit

Servant who she knew was staying in the apartment by the Hall and when she picked up the phone to make the call, she heard voices having a conversation and there was no one home but her. She hung up and tried again and the voices were still there and one was her aunt who had died exactly six months, six days, and six hours before that. Just when she recognized the voice on the phone, there was a knock on the door and there were two volunteers for the Red Cross asking for blood donors. She politely dismissed them and as they were driving away she noticed their license plate number was 666 and the car just disappeared before it was out of her sight. She blew a pear shaped spit bubble standing right there by the screen door. When she went to make supper and opened the cupboards, all the dishes and food was rearranged and it took her an extra three hours to replace everything the way it was and that is why she and I were not at the meeting this Tuesday night. The same thing happened Thursday afternoon and that is why we were not at the meeting Thursday night either. Here it is Sunday morning and we can already hear the dishes moving in the cupboard.

That's all for now. Hope to hear from you soon.

Clem

PS: Good news! Leroy has won a camping trip to Mexico at the elevator and he chose you to be his chaperone. He is on the bus on his way to stay with you for the two weeks before you both go. 

 

#37 Letter From Home

Pagan Pictures and the Walkman

Bubba's New Job

Dear Randy,

We just got back from service and Maw has devised a new way to keep people's attention at their doors. We are going to write down the instructions and send them to the Society and you probably can look forward to reading about it in the July "Informant". We have discovered through a complete accident that the reason people seem to be uninterested at the door is not because they are actually uninterested, but they are having a hard time concentrating on the deep subjects we are telling them about and especially the first twenty five or so that we call on before nine AM. What she discovered is that when she wears her headset for her Walkman while at the door and pretends that someone is talking to her that the people seem to be very quite and listen to everything that she tells them. She couples that with doing the sermon backwards and the people seem mesmerized. No one has ever slammed a door since she started doing that. She and I both agree that this is proof that we have the truth and that Angles are directing out work.

Bubba got a new job with a major sperm donor medical company that is trying to get into the market here. They told him that he has everything they are looking for and that if he sticks it out he could be Midwest Distributor. Granny thinks he had it better with the garbage route and that he is just making it hard for himself. Sis says Bubba should be good at it though since he has always been the first one to stick up for the sisters.

Granny saw some more of them pagan subliminal hidden images in the Watchdog magazine pictures that we was telling you about and she has gone back through the Society's books and cut out all the ones she found. She says she found quite a few. She says that if you look real close at the clothing in the pictures you can tell they are trying to cover something up. We are glad she got on this kick because before this we had a hard time getting her to read the magazines at all and now we can't keep her away from them.

We all see this as another proof that we have the truth, plus it keeps Granny busy and out of the cellar . . . . at least in the morning. She still is mostly drinking that mason jar of elderberry wing with lunch. Mostly the wine is her lunch. I have to go for now cause we are having company for supper. Write when you get time.

Clem

PS: LeRoy has been given the privilege of being in charge of the sound equipment at the meetings and no one has fallen asleep since.  

 

#38 Letter From Home

Deemins In the Attic

Dear Randy,

We had quite a commotion at the Hall Thursday night while brother Almos Oover was giving the instruction talk and the Circuit Servant, Jup Setter and his super skinny wife Missey was sittin' there and ol' Jup is waitin his turn while that pork face Almos just is goin' on and on about how the demons are everywhere and they are even watching who comes to the Hall and who is strong in the Truth and who ain't and all the while he's talkin' about them demons and devils that small bladdered sister Stout is squirming. Then we heard it! First it was so slight I missed it but the dogs all woke up. Then Bubba started to squint. Sorta like he does when we are con huntin' and he has caught the scent of a coon and he snorted. Then he snorted again. Then sister Stout uncrossed her legs and broke wind again and Maw dropped her clipboard. Almos was still talking and he ain't heard it yet but we all did. There was an extra noise and it was comin' from the attic only there ain't no attic. It's like footsteps and then they stop and then it's like sliding and then it stops and then it's like footsteps again and Sis pulled her coat over her head. This went on for well over the last hour and when we went to go out for a smoke after the meeting we was all pretty spooky about them shadows and the wind made everything seem demonized and scary.

 This morning Bubba and brother Newly Ben Haad went over there and they found where two squirrels had gotten in there under the tin roof and it was them we heard during the meeting. I had almost got myself to believe that ol' Almos had the power to call up demins or something.  

We got over to the Farmer's Discount Store over by Berryville and they had a super special on cigarettes by the case. Maw had to give up on smoking cigars cause Granny keeps chewing them. It ain't so bad that Granny chews chaw, but it's the spittin' that is startin' to bother us, especially at bookstudy on Tuesday night. Granny insists on using an old empty two gallon lard can for a spittoon and she misses half of the time. That's not the worst. She has taken to swattin' at black flies that ain't there.

 Another three spindles fell off the front porch rail this week and we can't see no sense in spending all our time fixing up this old place when it's so close to the end and we are all thinking about moving into the banker's big house over by Midway as soon as Armageddon is over anyway. We was going to trade in the Ford this year but the payments would just be a unnecessary encumberment this close to the end and the Truth says we shouldn't have any more kids so we got rid of the water heater.

 I have to go do chores now. Write when you get time.

 Clem

 PS: LeRoy is doing good in school in computer class. He is going to have his own WEB page this summer.

 

#39 Letter From Home

Hoe Hoe the Garden

Dear Randy,

This is a wonderful day for the Shady Busch congregation. We have got a congregation vegetable garden. We had three solid weeks of elder meetings every free evening and weekends and they finally gave the okay for a garden to be grown on the back lot of the Hall property and then only if we can grow enough extra to sell and send the cash to the Society and we all agreed that would be the Theocratic way to do it since it was them who gave us the permission to build the Hall in the first place and it was them who told us how to get the building permit and how to hire attorneys and everything. The first thing was to appoint a garden committee consisting of the Watchdog study servant, the Bookstudy servant and Newly since he has the tiller. Then they appointed garden groups kinda like car groups for service except we is makin' garden instead of preaching. There are teams of three to every vegetable group and six to the early ready stuff and the corn. Sister Stout is in charge of the pumpkins, sister Neew, the melons, and sister Smiley the peas and dill.

 The elders have set up a theo-garden strategy and we all have to keep track of our time when we work in the garden and turn that in with our field service reports and the garden times are used to help keep track of who is doing their share in the garden and if someone misses a month of reporting garden time they have to appear before the garden committee and they could loose their share of the garden and we think that that should make the garden a fun thing and the record keeping part is something we are already used to and understand and the committee arrangement already works so well on a congregation level to promote unity. We all put in two dollars for each family except the elders who felt they contributed much already by way of their time and business expertise. My Job is to run the tiller and pull the weeds and water and pick underground stuff like beets, carrots, and potatoes.

 Write when you get time.

 Clem

 PS: LeRoy signed you up for a four dollar contribution to the garden and eight hours of hoeing when you come for your July visit.

 

#40 Letter From Home

Are They Pure Christians?

Hi Randy,

We have been thinking about the issue of purity and mostly about Christians and we do agree that those who do help us do need to prove they are Christian or we will not be accepting their help. We have noticed our own error of not questioning all those who do service to us and we plan to change. Sis is waiting at the mailbox to ask the mailman if he is Christian and if he is not, we will be refusing all the welfare and assistance checks he has been delivering to us every month. He does not bring us any bills because we are such good Christians that our credit is so bad that no one will give us credit anymore.

Bubba is checking with the gas station guy over at Brashers and if he is not Christian, we will not be buying any more gas. Granny is walking over to the Army store where she buys her wool bloomers and is checking to see if they all are Christians there. If they are not, she is returning the wollies and is making plans to go without drawers. She says it is the least she could do for Jesus. Maw said it sounded like a dirty crack but we are serious about this and even LeRoy has his dander up. He says some of the local roads were built by non-Christians and he is started to walk to town in the ditch and now he is wondering about the ditch diggers. Those were dug by the Bichhers and he says he is sure those sons of Bichhers are not Christian because of the way they bowl with that left hand triple bounce strike toss.

We are getting a list of people who are not Christian and sending it by hand delivery and since we are not sure if some postal workers might not be Christian at the post office we can not let them deliver the list until we are sure.

Clem

PS: LeRoy wants his copy of Age Of Reason back when you are done reading it.

 

#41 Letter From Home

Pork Rib Feed!

 

Dear Randy,

We wanted you to know we heard about that pork rib feed you and the new circuit servant went to with his wife at Ma Parker's fine dining and shoe repair. Brother Short told Lester and he has a sister who knows sister Ball of the over hill Ball clan who used to pioneer over by Gateway. She told Bubba and Bubba wrote it all down on the back of the handbill in his hat. The whole circuit is talking about it. We heard you paid.

It was nice you let them stay at your place. We don't have any restaurants here that would have a $40 bill. Hereabouts we could buy a restaurant for not much more than that. We don't have any gyms or amusement parks here either. For exercise we just go coon huntin'. For fun we go to Dicky's. It's a grocery store and it's big. It's got two cash registers now.

Granny can't git to no meetings anymore cause her wound from her gall bladder operation she had four years ago won't heal right. She keeps picking the scab off of it. The Society sends her tapes of the Watchdog magazine but we don't have a tape player anymore since three Circuit Servant visits ago.

Service sure is harder now since we don't use the phonograph anymore. Maw mentioned it to Rusty Fenders and he said we would only be doing it this way a few months cause the end is so close. It's easy to see with these high prices for everything. It's a good thing we don't have to buy eggs cause they're 15 cents a dozen at the store. Sugar went way up too and we been puttin' molasses on our cereal. It's really not that bad after the first month or two. Granny says it's helpin' with her bowel problem.

I have to go, the dogs are barkin' and I think I hear Bubba's truck. He's only got breaks on one wheel and last week he went right through the back of the garage.

Clem

PS: LeRoy was wondering how many beers he could drink and still say prayer after the meeting. He said he thought you'd know.

 


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