Dating/Witnessing to a Lapsed Jehovah's Witness
Letter from a person inquiring about dating a
Thank you for providing such wonderful and blessed
materials to combat the cults like the JWs. I just set
a date for a "Bible Study" for June 28th. It's with my
girlfriend's father. It's a long story how this
happened, but I said that I would do it. His daughter
and I have been dating for about a year and a half. She
was disfellowshipped when I met her and just recently
returned to the organization about 6 weeks ago. I
wasn't sure how I would discuss with her father on the
issue. I'm a little nervous about the study since I've
never done this before!
Do you know of ANY one who has been in this
situation? It's rather unique I know. How do you
witness to someone who has returned to the JWs? Thanks
to your materials, I now KNOW how to witness to her
father but not her. If you have any materials for that
or can offer some advice, I would GREATLY appreciate it!
Friend of Free Minds, Inc. Response:
Thank you for writing to Randy at Free Minds! We
appreciate the opportunity of being able to correspond
with you to discuss questions, comments, and views from
We regret that your girlfriend has chosen a path that will lead her
right back under the same "cult" authority that she was under
previously in her life. Truth never fails us and speaking the truth
is what is required of all of us if we are going to serve God
So, why don't we get right into the "meat" of your situation and get
the truth out up-front so that you will know what is coming
next! What I am about to write to you might hurt a little, but I
have dealt with hundreds of these cases and most, if not all, of
them turn out the same way. Believe me, I want to write the truth
to you and not pull any punches!
There are several things you need to find out from your girlfriend
before "you" become the next victim of cult deception. Believe me, your life is at stake here!
1. Why was your girlfriend disfellowshipped in the first place?
Have you ever asked her? Has she ever volunteered that information
2. Why did your girlfriend wait so long to decide to go back to the
Watchtower organization? Why just six weeks ago? Why didn't she go
back right after she was disfellowshipped? Would there happen to be
any "children" involved in this relationship, or any on the way?
3. Why is your girlfriend's father showing an increased interest in
studying with you now after a year and a half relationship with his
Here are some things you might want to consider.
Your situation is not at all uncommon. Many JW women who have been
disfellowshipped "wait" until they feel that their relationship with
a man, is right at the edge of being engaged or right at the edge of
marriage, to go back to the Kingdom Hall to attempt to get
reinstated. Why? Because they think that the man they are involved
with will "follow" them right into the Kingdom Hall, and that the
man in this relationship will fear losing the woman if he fails to
Behind the scenes (without the man knowing it), the woman has
already talked to someone to start a Bible study with the man they
are involved with, so that the congregation will assume that "both"
in this relationship will become JWs. This puts on a "good
appearance" to the congregation and eases the heat of discipline she
will be facing when going back to the Kingdom Hall to get
You have now taken the first step in the plan your girlfriend has
for you! You have agreed to have a Bible study and your
girlfriend's hopes are now greatly increased that you too will go to
the Kingdom Hall with her, and serve as moral support through the
process of her being reinstated.
This is unfortunate! Why? Because when you decided to have this
Bible study with her father, you were saying (in a JWs mind), that
you are not really strong in your faith and there is a chance that
you are looking for something spiritually more satisfying. Her
father will now plan to have an elder in the congregation perhaps
come along with him on this Bible study, and then the situation will
be 2 against 1 and very difficult for you to make a Christian
defense for your faith.
This is why your girlfriend waited so long to go back! She has been
thinking about this for quite some time I can assure you, but now
she believes that you are at the right point where you are too much
in love to hurt her feelings to refuse her father's Bible study!
Unfortunately, she has you right where she wants you!
Does your girlfriend have any idea what she will be facing in an
attempt to get reinstated? She is going to have to go to ALL the
meetings and if she misses even ONE of them, there had better be a
good reason why. She will probably have to arrive at the Kingdom Hall late
and leave the Kingdom Hall early before the meeting ends, so that
there is NO chance for any of the other JWs to speak to her. No JWs
can speak to her while she is disfellowshipped. Her own father is
not allowed to be speaking "spiritual matters" with her until she is
reinstated. She will most likely be required to go to the meetings for a period
of one year and sit there and never be spoken to. Her relationship
with YOU can delay her being reinstated! Why? Because JWs are
encouraged to only have relationships with other JWs and this is one
reason why she wants YOU to have a Bible study!
Even if she passed all the tests in getting reinstated, she will
still be on a "probationary" period of one year "after" she is
reinstated, which means, there will be certain privileges in the
congregation she will not be able to participate in. As long as you
are NOT a JW her relationship with you will be frowned upon and some
of the JWs in her congregation will shun her as long as YOU are not
coming to the meetings or showing interest in the Watchtower
The elders can tell her to cut off her relationship with you and if
she doesn't then she may never be reinstated. This is one of the
reasons why her father wants to have a Bible study with you. Her
father knows that if you do not become one of Jehovah's Witnesses,
that his daughter could change her mind and stay out of the
organization to be with you.
Her father wants BOTH of you sitting right beside him in the Kingdom
Hall making a good show for all the congregation to see! This will
make her father look good, and make his daughter look good. The
other JWs in the congregation will say: "Look at the good fruit
Jehovah is producing through this relationship!", and then you
as far as having any freedom in your life.
By the way, her father will be bringing the New World Translation
into your home and most likely will request for you to read from
it. Are you aware that the New World Translation was translated
with the help of a "spirit medium"? Are you going to allow this
into your home?
This is only a suggestion, but if it were me, I would put a stop to
that Bible study right now, before you get yourself in to deep and
there is no way out! Little by little, you are being eased right
into the clutches of a cult and if you do not do something about it
right now, then your heart could cause you to give in to the wishes
of her father. You are being "spiritually" set-up, and the odds
are against you if you do not act now!
How can you minister to your girlfriend right now? 3 things!
1. Tell her you are not going to have the Bible study with her
2. Tell her that you have no intentions of becoming a JW. Period!
3. Tell her you are satisfied with your faith and do not believe the
Watchtower can replace what you believe in. End of story!
Then stand back and watch the reaction you get! Does your
girlfriend love you for who you are? Or does she hope to "mold" you
into the man she wants you to be? Is she only going to love you if
you become a JW? What would happen if you were to invite her to
Once you let a JW know that you are not going to back-down to their
demands, then they can see that your faith in what you believe is
stronger than the faith they have in the Watchtower! That is the
best witness you can give her right now. The truth! Let her know
that if she wants to become a JW she will have to do this by
herself, because you have no intentions of being controlled by a
Keep us posted. We are right here if you need us! It is not my
intention to sound stern, but when a man's life is at stake, I do
not take the long way around the barn to get to the main points.
Put a stop to this Bible study now while you still can! Thousands
of people are Jehovah's Witnesses right now today because they did
not put a stop to their first Bible study with a JW!
We hope that some of this information has helped to answer your
questions. Thank you once again for writing to Randy and if we may
assist any further, please do not hesitate to write to us.
We are not part of Randy's staff, we are close friends of Randy who
assist when Randy is working on the Free Minds Journal
. My wife and
I are (former) witnesses who served in the Watchtower organization
for 45 years.