A Letter to My Jehovah's Witness Wife

Steve is a regular on our Delphi Board and has two children. He is married to a Jehovah's Witness and was once a member himself. In this candid letter addressed to his wife, he shares his concerns for their future. Used by permission only. Steve currently lives in Mexico.

Dear Elvira:

I'm sorry that we're fighting, but I am not sorry for what I believe in.

If you feel insulted that I criticize your religion, I also feel insulted that you have more loyalty to elders than to me. To want to turn me in to be disfellowshipped. I am very sad about that.

You think that your religion is the channel to God, but I don't believe it. I think your religion is just like all others. Every religion thinks they have the truth, but none do.

No one told me before I married you how deep the claws of your religion go. Your family warned you not to marry me, a worldly person. Who warned me? Who told me this was going to happen?

Even I allowed you to have your religion, but I told you to leave it outside the door.

Even I tried your religion, but no one told me about disfellowshipping and shunning. Maybe I am smart, but the Watchtower Society has had years to learn how to convince people.

They take away your individuality with their questions and answers. Only their questions. And only their answers. And their answers change all the time.

I bet you didn't know that the questions for my baptism were different than yours:

1. On the basis of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, have you repented of your sin and dedicated yourself to Jehovah to do his will?

2. Do you understand that your dedication and baptism identify you as one of Jehovah's Witnesses in association with God's spirit-directed organization?

There is no mention of the holy spirit. That was taken out. This baptism is like a oath of loyalty to the Watchtower Society, not a baptism.

No one told me that those were the questions. No one told me that I couldn't quit after saying yes. No one told me that I could never read the bible for myself without their magazines. No one told me that I would be shunned. No one told me that answering number 2 makes me subject to a whole book of rules that aren't in the bible.

It's not fair. In my house only one religion can be practiced. Yours. You go 3 times a week while I can't even say anything against it. It's just not fair. I can't go to a birthday party or Hanukkah without being threatened and having a big fight in my house. Meantime, you can come and go as free as a bird. It's not fair.

Everything in my life has to revolve around your meetings. It's a sad thing to be left alone, not being able to talk. It's hard to keep your mouth shut.

I don't want my marriage to end. I don't want to continue not speaking to each other. I also don't want so much of your religion in my house. If you want to go to meetings, fine. But my kids can only go to one meeting a week, the Saturday meeting. I don't want them to attend 3 meetings a week.

I don't want them to grow up and have such guilty feelings that their lives will be messed up as well. And I don't want to feel guilty about anything. I'm not turning my back on God, but I refuse to comply with question 2 of my baptism when I didn't know what it was.

If you want to continue this big problem in our house, I'm sorry. If you want, I can move out into Ryan's room. I refuse to subjected to abuse in my house, but I don't deserve to live without my children.

I still love you dearly, even though all these changes have occurred. You can go to your meetings, but I refuse to be subject to any elder or any person that tries to control me using magazines. It's not fair.

I prefer to continue my marriage. Lately I have been feeling (DELETED), I am so sad. Only my children keep me going.

Right now, my project at Panasonic is very important to me. I'm depending on it since we are very low in money. Too bad if I get disfellowshipped I won't get the project. Yes, that's right. Victor is an elder, and most of the people in his department are JWs. I talked about this with Felix when we had our meeting, and he agreed that he would not give me business if I were disfellowshipped. It's not fair. I just want to be left alone and to have control over my own life and my own house.

I hope when I return from my trip that you will give me a big hug and kiss and we can continue with what we have under the conditions I wrote… one meeting a week for the kids, and no turning me into the elders for going to Jewish holidays.

If you don't give me the hug and kiss, I'll take it that we're going to continue like it is not speaking. If you put my pillows on the couch, I'll take that as your answer as well.

It's better to have peace in the house and see my point of view, it's not satanic. But I'll take whatever you give me.

Love hugs and kisses.
The Bloomer

Note: I have since left the JW. But things continue to run well in my house. 


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