I Found Your Site

Hi,

(added later: my story is a little long, but I made it worth the read with a funny JW must read at the end)
Just wanted to let you know that tonight was the first night I found your site.  I started reading around 11 and now it is 3 a.m. I am very thankful for this site!!!!  I was raised a JW.  My mother is a JW and so was her mother.  Her mother Had 7 children which had 25 children.  Out of all, there are only 3 doers and quite a few believers, but not motivated enough to do, but scared for themselves, some are lost....really lost, alcoholics, domestic violence, mentally challenged, angry and very unhappy. 
    Then there is my best friend (my first cousin) and I.  We have always been best friends since we could talk.  We were both blessed with the real truth right around the same time.
 
I was 13 when I got baptized as a JW.  Only to please everyone!  I was disfellowshipped when I was 21, because I was tired of pleasing everyone :)  Getting disfellowshipped was so terrible to me at the time.  I even appealed it.  They told me that they believed I was not repentant enough, and that they felt Jehovah had not forgiven me.  I asked them if Jehovah had told them that, but they just left my apartment.  I am so thankful to those elders today.  I should let them know that! :) just thinking out loud...sorry. 
 
Anyway, I was lost for a few years.  I forgot to mention that my father was a full blown, case of beer a night alcoholic.  Big part of the story!  I use to blame my mother for his drinking, but he had choices too!  My father was always at the bar until after we would go to sleep.  He was not around after the age of 9.  I became my mothers slave after that.  I did the laundry, cleaned the house, did all the cooking for her and my sister.  Then she got remarried, and I did it all for her, him, his two kids and my sister.  Then when I turned 16, I got a job and still did it all, I mean it all and paid to live there too.  I did everything a mother and wife would do except sleep with my step dad, until one night he tried to sleep with me.  It did not happen, I fought him off.  He apologized like crazy and I promised not to tell anyone and it did not happen again until I was 17.  I told my mother, and then she really hated me, it was all my fault. The way I see it now, that poor man must of got confused, because I acted like the mother and the wife... So that is why I got married, that was the only way she would let me leave. 
 
My first day as a wife, I still laugh to this day.  I cooked us dinner.  Out of habit I guess.  I cooked 12 pieces of chicken, 10 lbs of potatoes, and two bags of frozen green beans for just the two of us.  I got pregnant 3 months later.  So now at the age of 18 I have a husband and a baby, Wow!  That marriage lasted until my son was 2, not because I was sooo happy, but because I was still pleasing everyone.  To make a long painful story short, this black powder that my parents created along with the JW rules and an alcoholic father turned into a bomb....I went a little wild, smoked cigarettes and loved the attention from other guys, just flirting though until I found my husband with a girl I use to baby-sit.  She was 14.  Then flirting was a thing of the past.  Well I felt really guilty.  So I went to an elder that I really trusted.  Then I had to go in front of 4 elders and tell every last detail.  Hours of questioning.  They left that night and came back two days later to give me the news.  My husband and I tried to work it out, but they kicked me out and not him so they must of thought Jehovah forgave him (I did).  We got divorced, he married the now 16 year old and gave up his son.  I was lost for a couple of years until I met this man.  He was wild, worldly and knew it all.  He started bringing me books about JWs and I thought for sure that I had really done it now.  I had met a man from Satan.  I would throw the books away.  One night my son was at my mothers and I had been drinking all by myself and decided I just could not please anyone, so why live.  I took a whole bottle 300 mini whites I think they were called.  Little speed pills you could buy at gas stations.  It almost worked except this wild man came to my apartment at 3 AM and saved my life.  So the next book he brought me I read, it was "I was raised a Jehovah's Witness"  I read the whole book in my apartment all by myself.  I was sooooo angry for about 2 minutes, my whole life was a lie, they not only abused me but nourished me on lies, I was making them all happy with lies.  I got their bible and threw it across the room, and then I got very quiet with tears dripping down my face and body I got down on my knees and thanked God for bringing me this book, and told him how much I loved him, even though I didn't really know him.  I asked for forgiveness for my sins and asked him to please come into my heart and show me what to do next.  At the same time my cousin, my best friend was going through similar things, we had both been married, both had a son and both got divorced.  She lived about an hour away from me and I could not wait to share everything with her, but to my surprise she could not wait to share everything with me.  So we both got remarried to the wild men who showed us the truth about God, but, I think that was all they were suppose to do.  Because they both were controlling and abusive.  So now we live about a minute away from each other, she is remarried to a wonderful loving man and I am engaged to one. We both share our love for God, family and life
 
I have no idea why I have told you all of this, maybe additional healing and to share hope and truth. 
I have forgiven my mother, father and the JWs
My mother is still a JW along with her sister and my cousin's (best friend's (Kim's) brother.  We have tried just about everything.  Since I am disfellowshipped I am pretty much out of the picture, and blamed for my cousin not wanting anything to do with the religion. Kim and I are now praying for them to get disfellowshipped, not sure if it will work, but we know that God is the only one that can help them peak through the veils covering their faces and that is all it takes is a peak a glimpse of truth. 
 
On the up side:  My dad had a tumor on his heart the size of a football and needed a triple bypass in order to have colon cancer surgery.  My father in heaven not only heard my prayers, but held my fathers hand all the way through.  He was so close to death, that I did not even get my hopes up.  This was over a year ago.  While he was in a nursing home recovering his home flooded completely twice.  He lost everything, which wasn't much.  He has completely recovered, rebuilt his home from scratch, got his driver's license after loosing them 15 years ago from numerous DUI's, bought a new truck and sent me my first birthday card on my 40th birthday.  I have a father after 40 years and it is never to late to have a father. Oh, did I mention that he is sober!!!! I meant to!!!
 
I better tell you a funny JW story after you have read all this, and you can share it all if you would like.
 
Back when I was first married at 17 is around the same time Proctor and Gamble was suppose to have the mark of the beast symbol on their products and rumors were flying like crazy.  Well my mother called me and told me that Proctor and Gamble was evil and that I should get rid of everything I have in my home with that their name on it.  Well I lived on 100 acres in a trailer and was at home all by myself.  My husband worked at night.  I was scared to death.  So I start going through cupboards and man they make a lot of stuff.  I started throwing it all outside in front of the trailer.  Literal trailer trash.  Then the bathroom, do they make everything?  Anyway I couldn't sleep so I started rearranging furniture and totally rearranged the bedroom.  Finally I go to sleep.  Not even thinking of this.  My husband comes home, it is still dark outside and he sees all of this stuff thrown outside.  He thinks we have been robbed and that I am probably dead.  He comes through the front door screaming.  I jump out of bed and run into the living room, he is almost in tears.  I explain the whole thing and he says my mom is crazy and that he will check with an elder tomorrow.  He was exhausted.  He decides to take a shower and I go back in the bedroom and fall back to sleep.  He comes in and throws, literally throws himself on the bed...............................................................except its not their any longer....lol.....The night the lights were still out in JW Ville
 
SJM

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